There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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