R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
