thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The Olympian is in my bed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
