thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
