I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
