Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
