wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
