The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
