Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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