dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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