Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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