just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
