proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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