True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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