what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sext me about skeletons
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
