he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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