I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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