U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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