When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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