I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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