No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
