I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
