I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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