Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
