she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
