Already got asked if we're dating
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
