were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
