you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
