It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
