I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
