we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
