doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
