So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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