would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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