Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
