so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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