oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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