she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
