He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All I want is dick and wine.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
