guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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