Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
