Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
