Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
