At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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