Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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