It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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