After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
