a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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