I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
