I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
