I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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