I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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