When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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