So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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